Questions:

1. re: flirting
2. re: not fitting in
3. re: meeting available young people
4. re: being content

 As a Christian single male, my personality is being very friendly. However, in the past, some young ladies have taken my friendliness as "flirting" with them which is not my intention. When I find out they think I want more than a friendship, I back off from them. How can I come across the right way?

Our Answer: Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly....
Friendships are a vital part of life. In every friendship, communication is one of the greatest assets you can have. Upon discovering that a certain young lady assumes you are trying to have more than a friendship, I would communicate to her that you appreciate her friendship and that is where you would like to keep it at.  If she does not accept that and is hurt by it, then you may not have a choice but to "back off."

 I'm a single adult female and have been raised in church all my life. I feel sometimes though that I just don't fit in anywhere. What can I do?

Our Answer:
Feeling accepted is important to all of us. Realizing that God has a ministry for every Christian can help us to better fit in somewhere within the local body of Christ. We have found that Christian singles are already serving in many different capacities in their local church. Some teach Sunday school classes, work bus routes, Children's Church, Nursing home ministries, and a slew more. 
Meet with your Pastor and his wife and discuss with them your concerns. I myself as a Pastor welcome input from all my members and look forward to having someone come with a new idea that will help to build the Kingdom of God! 
For example, one single man in our church had a burden to start Nursing Home ministry. It has been going for two months now and has been extremely successful!  His enthusiasm spread to others in our church, and they began to get involved.  Don't wait to be asked! Take the initiative and be busy for God! 
                                                                                                                                          Pastor Dave Johnston

What is the best way to meet available young people besides going to camps? Everyone that goes to my church is under 10 or over 40.

Our Answer:
Camps are great to attend, but there are also other events you might attend (and may already do) such as other Church revivals, youth rallies, home-comings, etc. Even going to Holiness Convention at Free Gospel Bible Institute or Convocation at Ozark Bible Institute would be another great way to meet other singles.

Of course we think one of the best ways.... is to attend our Focus On Singles Conference!!!! :)

If you haven't read it already, go to the page that contains Sis. Anna's personal testimony. I'm sure you're already praying that God will lead you to the right person and the right person to you... but sometimes hearing it from others who have been there will encourage you to keep praying for God's perfect will for your life.
 

I was not raised in holiness, and I have been saved for three years.  

Coming into the church, it seemed folks really took to my being there, but over time it gotten to where 

it seems I don't have a lot of close friends to take up my time.  I am the only member of my family that 

goes to church. I'm a single, 29 year old male, and I've gotten to feeling like I really don't belong anywhere.  

The church that I joined is really not the church I go to anymore, but now I don't feel like I belong at the 

church I've been visiting.  Lately, I've found I miss the "comforts" of home from when I used to live with 

my parents. Not having a wife and family makes my life hard around my holiness friends who are all married. 

I talked to one of my buddies one day about the loneliness I felt, and he simply told me he didn't know what 

to say because he had never been there. I really need some encouragement. I want to live holiness, but 

I'm lonely and want a wife and family. How do I get to where I can be content?

Our Answer: 

F.O.C.U.S. Singles Ministry was established in response to our awareness of people just like you.  While it is unfortunate that your friend could not relate to the specific needs you have as a man facing 30 and still single, I can assure you that you are not alone.  Further, let me encourage you to know that the Lord is aware of your situation and He does understand your needs.

 As I read over your email I recognized a predominate characteristic that is so typical among single adults.  Let me remind you that single adults can be found in nearly every church across the country.  If you had the opportunity to visit most of the churches you would find that the vast majority of them have a very small number of singles.  In every place I have had the privilege to work in pastoral ministry, we have had at least one single adult in the congregation.  You said specifically that you are lonely, and I can probably tell you why you are feeling that way.  I would believe that your loneliness developed only after you felt, as you said, you “don’t belong.”

 It can certainly be a great let down when the married couples have their Valentine’s banquets and their family picnics, and the youth have their retreats and summer camps, while you have nothing specifically to meet your needs.  Brother, let me encourage you to know that YOU DO BELONG!

 I heartily commend you for your choice to live for God and go to church even though the rest of your family does not.  You have done it for three years!  This is a clear indication that you have what it takes to stand alone!  Brother, this is most definitely pleasing to the Lord, and will possibly be a great encouragement to others who may read my comments to you.

 Now let me address a couple things I picked up on in your email.  You mentioned the fact that you no longer attend the church you used to go to stating that you didn’t “feel” like you belonged anywhere.  You went on to say that you don’t “feel” like you belong in the church you are presently attending.  I can only guess, but maybe you left the first church seeking another congregation where you would possibly fit in a little better.  While your intention may have been good and your motive pure, it appears that it has not helped your situation.  Listen.  None of us can do much about situations we find ourselves in, but we can do something about ourselves.  In other words, your situation does not have to dictate whether or not you are going to be defeated or an overcomer.  One makes a choice whether they will be a victim or a victor.  While it may be there are churches that do not recognize the need of the single adult who may be sitting in their pews, the grace of God can enable you to find your place and to live a life of purpose.  It is a shame for a promising single with such great potential to become so distracted with this notion they do not fit, and that they need a companion so bad, that they will sacrifice every conviction they once had and join themselves with a worldly church.  Do you realize that the devil doesn’t care how he gets you, just so he gets you?  He may not be able to convince you to blatantly dive into some immoral sin, but if he can lure you into taking your eyes off of the Lord by getting you to be so discouraged and caught up in your needs and wants, he is content just the same!  He considers it a success if he convinces one to sin and another to simply be “anxious” about their wants and needs because both live in defeat.

 In June of this past year (2005) we had nearly 30 single adults in your very shoes come together for the first time for fellowship, encouragement and instruction at our first annual FOCUS Single’s Retreat here in northern Indiana.  Most of the men and ladies that came never knew each other before they attended, but left with new acquaintances and friendships that are continuing to this day.  What happened in those couple days was an established awareness that there are many singles scattered across the country here and there in remote churches, and they were encouraged to return to their home church and fulfill the will of the Lord and be faithful just as they are.  They returned with a fresh focus and a renewed purpose in their lives.  They left challenged to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness because He knows what our needs are and will provide in His time if we would simply be faithful… AND, GOD PROVIDES THE GRACE NEEDED IN EVERY SITUATION!  Praise God!

 Brother, our hearts go out to you and we want you to find your place in God.  We want you to feel that fulfillment you so desire.  The Lord wants you to have the desires of your heart as well, but it always works best for us when our will is first swallowed up in His will.

 We would love to talk to you more if you would feel comfortable enough to get in touch with us.  Let me also encourage you to seriously consider attending our 2nd Annual FOCUS Singles Retreat in Kimberling City, Missouri (just a few miles south of Branson) this coming August 2-4, 2006.

 Pastor Michael Johnson
Trinity Holiness Tabernacle
Goshen, Indiana